Thursday, July 03, 2014

Parallel Universe


Languorous evenings, with me ensconced in my sofa, the world outside in the first throes of dusk. Birds chattering back to their nests, as I lazily plan the rest of the day. Snacks, chai, conversation. Planning done, I pad around the house without any slippers on, setting this into place, straightening that, maybe finding the time to take a couple of inspired photographs in the gorgeous golden light streaming in through my painstakingly selected gauze curtains. And just then it occurs to me, how nice it would be to sit in the balcony, reading, waiting, listening to the cosmic rhythm - a palpable beat - complex rich homogeneous, emanating like a single piece from the orchestra of the universe. A universe I feel delighted to be a part of. Such is the magic of my balcony.

Disclaimer: All persons/events in above note are works of fiction, and bear absolutely no resemblance to anything or body, living or dead. Mostly dead.

Sunday, June 08, 2014

Ek Villian - a premature review


I am completely hooked on to this song, 'Banjaara', from the film 'Ek villain'.


While I love the song, absolutely soul stirring, I cannot figure out if there is something wrong with Shraddha Kapoor's character.

Meaning, there are moments in the song when she seems a bit mentally challenged - like when she is shrieking with glee at the motor fan-type toy, like when she is dancing in the white dress - first the careful slo-mo movements and then that windmill arm step with the world's widest most daft grin on her face, followed by a cute childlike cutting of the wedding cake with some cute childlike hand clapping, and finally the scene where she falls down, and stays down in that awkward pose for some seconds, but before you can say WTF, starts some hand clapping again and then the raising up of arms happens, all innocent like, indicating to the six men around that she feels the need to be helped up and indicating to the audience that for some, gravity can be a real bitch.

But on the other side of such histrionics are the words of wisdom she spouts - Andhere ko andhera nahin, sirf roshni mita sakti hai, nafrat ko nafrat nahin, sirf pyaar mita sakta hai, and the noble deeds she does - I am guessing (given my vast experience with Hindi cinema) that the elderly wedding she is shown organizing, dancing and cutting cake in, has been solely nurtured on the milk of human kindness flowing out of her saintly person. There are also some kids involved, they are probably homeless, who have undoubtedly been adopted by Ms Mother-Teresa-come-to-life-again. And there are also some romantic scenes with Mr Villain/Gangster. All of these indicate that she is not, in fact, mentally challenged.

They also indicate that I have a special kind of expertise at killing time.

Anyway, so what is the answer to this quandary? How do you explain this diverse character? Is she simply a beautiful girl, pumped up on sugar, channeling the spirit of Mother Teresa? Or is there more?

There is more. Shraddha Kapoor is portraying the character of a girl, who is simply soul. A beautiful soul, who is touched (pun not intended) by everything she encounters - a dance step, a motor fan-type toy, a falling down - she lets it all sink in and enjoys all of these feelings to bits. Javed Akhtar (if he is associated with the film) will describe it more beautifully - Her joyous presence was like the rustle of grass in the meadows, like the pearlescence of the morning dew drop, like the laughter of trees as they swayed in the breeze, like the warmth of the morning sun as it warmed the back of your neck - he will compose it in Hindi of course, and then some Baritone will narrate it as the film introduces its heroine to us - this joyous creature with a heart of gold. She does only two things - experiences the joys of life and performs good deeds for the children, the elderly and some gangsters as well.

So Shraddha Kapoor will be playing this role, which is SO different from how Hindi film heroines are usually portrayed.

NOT.

Hindi films have mostly only portrayed two kinds of women - serious types with hearts of gold, joyous types with hearts of gold. The latter category is what they have latched onto recently, their idea of women's liberation being that a woman is now allowed to laugh, enjoy nature, the wind, the sun, motor fan-type toys etc without being labelled easy or slutty. Think Geet from Jab We Met, a joyous specimen if ever there was one, or Akira from Jab Takk Hai Jaan, whose joy quotient resulted in an earthquake in Japan. Great.


Well, I find this overdose of joy and noble intentions annoying. I am not like this and don't know many women who are. I am NOT cheerful all the time (and never as cheerful as these cinematic women), and unfortunately, I rarely do anything which can be classified as noble. I am too busy being involved in my own life and those of my loved ones to have the bandwidth to make a difference to the children, the elderly and the gangsters. I have regrets about things I didn't do right and didn't do well. I don't chatter away ad infinitum, I don't spew holy diktats on 'how to live your life and love your neighbor' to all and sundry.

I am complicated, struggling, conflicted and flawed. And I would like to see more women like me in Hindi cinema.

To be fair there have been a few: Tabu in Astitva, Rani M in No One Killed Jessica, Alia Bhatt in Highway, Parineeti C in Hasee toh Phasee, Kangana R in Queen and yes, even Sonam K in Ranjhanaa.







These movies are certainly not perfect but best of all, these characters are not perfect. They aren't uni-dimensional, they have/portray real world problems like infidelity, women's rights, coming-of-age and discovery of self, social awkwardness, even selfishness. The triumph of Ranjhanaa, Hasee toh Phasee and Highway is that these films are not 'women-oriented' but have equally meaty roles for the men as well. The choice isn't between making a film only about a woman's perspective or giving her the depth of an amoeba.

Well, going by the above, definitely does seem like things are changing - from a handful of Shabana Azmi movies a few decades ago to many more now.

But till the time that portraying a real person who also happens to be a woman and the heroine becomes imperative, we have these stereotypes and worse, the decoration pieces to deal with. These heart of gold types, for whom the hero feels absolutely compelled to change his evil ways, and horror of horrors, even become a human umbrella. Ankit has never shown any inclination ever to shield me from the sun with his person, that's a bummer. But on the other hand, he has never shown any inclination to choose a gangster's life as his profession, so overall, I think I might have lucked out.

Thursday, May 08, 2014

DINKs

It ain't easy, and cursed are we
With dreams as tall as coconut trees
And love as deep as sea

Time does sprint, ever a mile ahead
As mails pile up and paint comes off
When do we go to bed?
(We do. Sometimes. Kind of.)
Yes, we stay hungry, oh so foolish!
With the heart the mind the body
each chanting a different wish

But if love there is, the bed rock
With cracks a few but ne'er a break
'Twill take-in all the shock
(And cause some bloody havoc)

So will never be easy, as cursed adventurers we be
With dreams as tall as coconut trees
Still love as deep as sea

Sunday, March 30, 2014

A tall tale

Yesterday I went for this 'Tall Tales' event in South Mumbai (SoBo). The concept seemed pretty cool, and there were no movies (that I was interested in watching) releasing this week. Thus the long pilgrimage to SoBo.

The idea of Tall Tales is that people who have an anecdote interesting enough to recount gather there to do so in the full 24 gun salute fashion - gripping language, humorous description, voice and story inflection, accent, modulation. It is not impromptu, but said stories and storytellers are screened, auditioned, trained and then put up on the small informal stage.

It was an idea radical enough to drag us out of our Bandra-bubble and into the arms of the famed SoBo bustling with charming old Victorian architecture and reverse snobbery. What be reverse snobbery, you ask? Okay, let me attempt a colorful description. We reached the venue, and looked around for a building that looked like it could host a literary gathering. But couldn't find anything to fit the mental image. A couple of phone calls established that we were indeed standing right in front of the hallowed portals beyond which floated our tales, waiting for us in anticipation. This unlikely looking building was rickety, its staircase long, winding and wooden with a general air that whispered to you in perfect English at every breath you took (breath which was shortening by the second due to the long ascent) - We be SoBo. We no have new buildings, working lifts, air-conditioners or any of them gaudy and low-class trappings of the nouveau-riche. You wanna watch play? You wanna hang with us, poor burb-ites? You gotta earn it.

We wanted to play with them. So we climbed, albeit a little cautiously lest the staircase collapse. And we let the tales begin.

To be honest, while the concept was interesting, not all of the tales turned out to be so. But the majority of them were amusing, told impeccably, in a rich descriptive humorous manner, keeping us in moderate splits.

The whole thing led me to wonder if ever I would be interested in putting out one of my tales and if so, which one of them would meet the criteria of being interesting and insightful enough. While there can be many and with some embellishment a few of them can be made into screenplays for KJo's next, there is this one episode which seems the most worthy of being recounted. KJo won't touch it with a ten feet barge pole, and I also fear the poor thing will be rejected by the Tall Tales team for being too edgy and not nearly amusing enough, but let me put it down here as bits & bytes, for public consumption.

It was a few years ago - four to five at the most. I was living in Bandra and enjoying every bit of it - the cafes, eateries, the sea, crowds when you needed them and serenity when you knew where to find it, freedom, most of all the freedom to do and be as you pleased, without fearing anybody would care, judge, persecute or pester. But I soon realized the horizon was not all that wrinkle-free and that morons sometimes get a free pass into heaven.

So one dark evening, I was heading home leisurely, back from a walk. I lived then in an apartment housed in a building on Union park road, which is the street perpendicular to Carter road. If you have been there you would immediately be able to conjure a mental picture when I tell you that the building I lived in was beyond that part of Union park road which has half the restaurants and hole-in-wall eateries of Bandra and where half of Mumbai congregates on a weekend. That part where I lived can get quite deserted.

Well, I was strolling along peacefully, with not a care in the world when I noticed this boy walking alongside me. He was a boy, probably not more than 18 or 19 years, with a back-pack, looking like he was heading home from tuition classes or college or something. I didn't pay much attention and continued on my way. But then he said something and I looked at him, my first thought being that he was asking me for directions. He repeated what he had said, and what he said is not something I can or want to repeat here. Suffice it to say it was a most vulgar thing to say. I was shocked. The boy didn't look the type - the very fact that he was coming from someplace where an effort had been made to educate him - seemed to suggest that he should have been above this kind of behavior. He took encouragement from my momentary stupefaction and dialed up his perv-quotient. He started saying more similar stuff and even adding obscene visuals to this degenerate speech.

Now I wasn't exactly a spring chicken. As a young school girl in Mumbai, I had had more than my fair share of molestation. But I wasn't a school girl anymore and more so, Bandra was my turf. This green-under-the-thumb boy here had decided to mess with a fully grown adult, with a head full of feminist ideas and a job description that read as 'Area Sales Manager' entailing regular interactions with wily old businessmen and other tough nuts. I wasn't about to take this shit.

I started talking back to him - How dare you talk like this, you moron - kind of stuff. He seemed taken aback. I raised my voice, faded memories from similar long past incidents (where flight rather than fight had seemed like the prudent option) suddenly coming alive filling me with an incandescent rage. I realized that there was a smattering of people around - shopkeepers, lone walkers like me, some cars etc and as my decibel rose, some of these started looking my way. I don't know what led me to attempt enlisting their attention, but I did. I found myself screaming at the top of my voice, telling everyone around that this here boy had been trying to act fresh with me.

By that time the boy had smelled trouble and started walking away quickly. Perhaps he sensed that the atmosphere was getting uncomfortably charged, that people around were suitably mobilized and so they were. In a matter of seconds the situation escalated such that the boy broke into a run, with several people at his heels. I saw shopkeepers come out of their shops, drivers out of their cars, people walking on the street turn direction, even a car turn around, all to chase after him.

I was still screaming, I don't remember exactly what, but something to the effect of dragging him to the police station, when I realized that he had got away. Normalcy returned with frightening speed and soon I was walking back to my building, looking as if nothing untoward had happened in the last five minutes.

But I was terrified inside. And for a very different reason. Yes, I was surprised that one as young as this boy and seemingly from a family of some means and desire to get their children educated, could have behaved in such a perverse manner. But in general this sort of an encounter isn't new, we regularly encounter men who have a twisted idea of what it means to be a man and how a woman should be treated, looking to get cheap thrills from such escapades. It continues to be abhorrent, but is nothing new. What was truly terrifying to me was the behavior of the crowd turned mob. That mob meant murder and had the boy been caught, he would have been in all likelihood ground to pulp that day.

Was it the anger of a crowd wanting to teach that disrespectful moron a lesson or was it something else? Today, is our frustration bubbling and boiling over so, that it channelizes itself through such dangerous acts of good samaritanism? Where does proportionate redress stop and barbarianism begin? 

Friday, March 21, 2014

Passport to somewhere


Lots of things happened today.

I went to get my passport renewed. Some place in Andheri, a bunch of documents, a million proofs of address, some attested by self and some by slightly more authoritative entities like banks and such. What's not to love, right?

Right. The first thing that happened was that I was told to come back with a printout of my application form. Hmm..like when the Ambanis would have arrived designer bag and baggage at the long-awaited door-steps of Antilia, only to be told that its Vaastu wasn't right. Like that. What are you laughing at. Exactly like that.

Little could that vaastu-haastu know, while pronouncing his judgement, what Mukesh A must have felt. It isn't easy, hiring a team of consultants and paying them top dollar to do an incisive analysis of the richest men on the planet (past, present and future), to find out where they lived and how expensive their homes were (NPV and inflation accounted for); combining that intelligence with knowledge gained from coffee-table-book immersion into the art & architecture of eras gone by; and combining these two streams of thought into a buzzing whirring cesspool alive with mongrel-like images of what Antilia should look like.

And then he hired the architects. And then the builders. The plumbers, the carpenters. The gardeners. The ants came uninvited.

His one unforgivable error was to forget to call in a vaastunomist while the blue-print was still in baby-neuron form inside the architect's inflamed head.

Yes that very same thing happened to me today. I too entered the passport seva kendra with elan, dust in my hair, tan on my face, but pride in my step. And just like that, I was refused entry. Having made the rare effort to dig, procure, scan and staple in an uncharacteristic burst of documentality, in that moment I couldn't help but concede defeat to the God of No-matter-how-hard-I-try-just-don't-get-the-paperwork-right.

Okay I am done being funny. From now on this is a sensitive tale of meaning found in the mundaneness of life.

Right. So I turned tail and went to get this bloody printout. Rumor had it, there was a Sun hotel in the vicinity, serving as landmark to a cyber-cafe. A dubious looking short-cut, with many a crest and trough, was pointed out to me and onward I went. Mission got accomplished and back with said document I attempted entry again, this time steely glint in eye accompanying aforementioned pride in step. As I was walking in, I saw a guy saunter out. He had been standing at the end of the line in my pre-printout phase and I was partly alarmed (at the thought that people in my 'time-slot' were already done with) and partly curious as to the reason behind his hasty retreat. So I asked him and he told me that he didn't have a printout of the application form! Gasp! Like Jesus beginning to hand out loaves and fish to the first starving man (yes exactly like that) I told him about this miraculous cafe next to the Sun, in a galaxy not so far far away, but he seemed unimpressed and chose to come back another day.

Hmm.

Inside I went, and the powers that be seemed surprised to see me; turns out there was another fellow writhing and whining to be let inside without having in his possession...guess what...a printout of the application form! And apparently he had been at the whining since some time too. They told him, 'Itne time mein tum bhi le aate printout.' Our hero answered, 'Arre duur hai.' So they said, 'Agar ladies jaa ke le aayi, toh tum ko kyaa tha?'

I felt some confusion. Why does being a lady (hardly) mean that I am not expected to apply myself? On the other hand, I got it. People are the sum of their experiences and if you have never been called upon or encouraged to find your own way out of sticky situations, you won't suddenly start doing it unless something big really comes and shakes you up. Lots of girls in this country don't get opportunities and frankly are not brought up with the mindset of 'yes you can' and I get it. I did feel some renewed respect for my own self though #Fighterlady. Now if only the damn passport would deign to get renewed as well!

Well, inside the hallowed portals of Passport seva kendra I rode. And fell off my galloping steed just a few minutes later, when the woman at the counter asked for proof of my marriage. A scuffle ensued, an argument at the very least, me at my wit's end, not understanding why I needed my spouse's name on the passport, and she, rightly so, telling me that it was mandatory.

In all that mela and jhamela, I found myself asking her if this was as mandatory for any male applicants. No sooner was this ferocious line of questioning out of my mouth than I had an out-of-body experience - with my saner self detaching itself to watch the tamasha. Fortunately the lady confirmed it was mandatory for the males too; it was fortunate 'cause even I don't know what I would have done otherwise - a misplaced dharna, or a speech at the very least, on feminism, female emancipation and the role of the husband in a modern marriage.

Didn't come to that and she, being conscientious, informed and surprisingly patient, instead of flicking me and my objections away, offered to put me on Tatkaal. She sent me inside to meet the APO to get her sign-off as well. While giving me the file which I was to take to this APO person, she said, a little mischievously and very wisely, 'APO madam is the highest ranking officer here, so ask her a little nicely.'

I did. Madam APO agreed. And in spite of me not having had all my docs today and exhibiting a severe lack of grace in accepting that, I am now a token number, in the Tatkaal way, only required to go in tomorrow and submit said certificate.

So many things.

What a brilliant girl she was, she stood her ground but also stayed true to the motto of the 'seva kendra'. What patience, what wisdom. Inspiration strikes anywhere and that is what she was to me today.

Besides I realized that because I am so used to thinking that any government office exists only to make life difficult, my strategy has always been to bully. It is unthinkable that there are people in admin/government jobs who truly want to help you. It shifts the paradigm drastically. You realize how you've been hammering away at what you thought was stone, when a hot-knife-through-butter-maneuver would have accomplished the job.

I saw a woman around my age whose husband had accompanied her there and they were applying for a passport for her, and besides the fact that her husband had to come in with her, there was also that her id documents were all from college. It spoke about the chasm between her life and mine - I have come a long way since college, every document in my kitty today is evidence of a step forward. Should I be proud at what I have made of myself (a person with multiple and varied documentation to prove existence and residence, haha) or sink to my knees and thank providence for giving me all those opportunities.

A bit of both maybe.

On the other hand, I still have a lot to learn. And on that note - life is like a slab of hardened butter. Sometimes what even the sharpest knives can't cut through, a hot one can.

Friday, January 03, 2014

Harry Potter redux


I find myself thinking on and off about the Harry Potter series. The fact that the books are hugely enjoyable and the reasons behind why they are so, are obvious to everyone. However it is not equally widely acknowledged that the books have the power to enrich our lives, proving themselves to be far more layered than just any well-written set of books. 

For the ones who feel as I do, here are some of the things I love about the Potter series and which have led to J.K Rowling being, for me, a leading light among the illuminati who walk this planet. 

1. Hermione Granger - An all-time favorite literary character. She is all those things I admire, many of which I wish now that I was when I was her age - fearless, self-respecting, resourceful, and absolutely completely herself. I heard JKR say somewhere that at an age when a lot of girls are trying to fit in, are willing to tweak themselves in order to do so, become popular, Hermione never played to the gallery. For example, she never considered that in order to win Ron's affection, she would need to be less intellectual and less frequently right. Her character grows naturally through the series, both softening and strengthening, in an uncompromising manner.

For the brilliant role model she is to young girls and people in general, I love her and JKR for creating her in her own image.

2. "It's not your abilities, but your choices that make you what you are". 

“‘It only put me in Gryffindor,’ said Harry in a defeated voice, ‘because I asked not to go in Slytherin…’ ‘Exactly’ said Dumbledore, beaming once more. ‘Which makes you very different from Tom Riddle. It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’”

This is one thought from HP that lies around like a sleeping dog inside my head, with one eye and ear open, looking for moments to prove itself useful or just get up and bound around with joy. 

And while it may sound obvious, a proverb, a saying or a moral doesn't hit home till you see it take shape in front of you. This one comes to life beautifully and tragically throughout the series.

3. When Harry's mother sacrifices her life for Harry, it is this act of sacrifice and love that magically protects Harry from Voldemort, and so the curse famously back-fires. 

Voldemort is unable to touch Harry due to the power of his mother's love.  

It 'tangibalizes' something we have heard preached down to us so many times. Tolkien also did the same thing, with Bilbo's act of sparing Gollum's life eventually helping save Frodo's at Mount Doom. Brilliant, both of them. What beautiful ways to express that no good deed, act of kindness or love goes unseen and unrewarded. And in HP, it also says that a parent's love really does have power. 

4. Severus Snape - We don't understand what his deal is till the end but once we do, we realize the full weight of what JKR has done - created a character that is so complex, so rich, so heroic in his own way, that the mind boggles at how she did it in such an inconspicuous manner. 

His love for Lily, justified dislike for James Potter and his rowdies, his bad boy days, and then reform - sweet dangerous reform. 

Lovely shades of grey. 

5. “‘Tell me one last thing,’ said Harry. ‘Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?’ Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry’s ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure. ‘Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?’”

Pure gold. Free to be interpreted in multiple ways. Today I choose for it to mean that the mind shapes and controls the 'real' world and in that sense is more real than anything else. Our thoughts, visions, dreams are the true source of everything and everyone. Today, that's what I choose for it to mean.

Acknowledgments -
http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Rebirth_of_Tom_Riddle
http://thenectarcollective.com/2013/10/life-lessons-learned-harry-potter/

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Happy New Year


My wish for you for the new year is that you identify and acknowledge what your most fundamental flaw is.

The seven deadly sins. Pick yours.

Frameworks. They work.

Happy New Year.


Sunday, December 15, 2013

Gay talks


The country or at least the urban, newspaper-reading, facebook-using section of it has been consumed with discussions on homosexuality since the past few days.

The very fact that national newspapers are carrying headlines on it means that the term and the action it speaks about has found its way into living rooms all over this country. And that I believe is the 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind' kind of thing taking place right under our noses. Who knew we could speak out openly about sex of any kind, forget gay sex.

On the other hand, the BJP, in a bid to retain the support of their traditional, staunch religious supporter base, and most probably the RSS, have proclaimed gay sex to be 'unnatural' and something they can't support.

I have a few things to say on the matter -

- The BJP should ensure all of its talking is done by its spokespeople and not by random juvenile and absurd members like Baba Ramdev and Subramanian Swamy. The fact that these people are occupying key positions in the BJP and are allowed to speak unfettered does not bode well for the iQ of the party as a whole or their competence (at managing their public image and their people). These glaring flaws would be more than enough reason for us folks to not vote for them, howmuchever Modi shouts from the roof-tops and tries to woo us with his silver-tongued talks on progress.

- Coming to the stand the party has taken: it is antiquated, un-researched and logic-defying. To make one of the many possible arguments against homosexual sex being unnatural - one fact is that it is hugely prevalent in the animal kingdom, around 1500 species have been known to depict homosexual behavior; in fact this was one of the reasons behind the landmark decision taken by the United States Supreme Court in 2003, which made same sex activity legal across all states in the US. Secondly, people are born with this orientation, feel it from within, as natural as being born with one hand more dexterous than the other, as Kanishka Sinha explains here. So how can it be unnatural? Thirdly, even if the first and the second were untrue, and people decided to have homosexual sex to add variety to their sex lives, out of curiosity, or any other reason, with other consenting adults, in the privacy of their homes, then who is the State to tell them that they can't?

- Allowing for the fact that the BJP stance is a poll strategy and they don't want to alienate their voter base (Subramanian Swamy keeps repeating that 84% of the people of this nation are against homosexuality - a statistic I don't see any basis for), I think they are misreading the situation. Not all of the traditional, middle class, slightly older demographic is dogmatically against homosexuality. They are being exposed today in an unprecedented manner to media - fiction and celebrities - and actual people who represent this reality, and are warming up to the notion of it. While they still may have great difficultly in accepting it in their own children, they certainly don't see it as criminal behavior or a disease. Admittedly there is still huge progress to be made, but things aren't so bad that a party which supports the fundamental rights of a different-but-harmless minority will automatically find itself out of favor with this demographic. In fact to the contrary, a party which insists on mouthing silly and neanderthal speech like the kind the BJP has been, stands to lose favor among the educated and rational section of the population. Much as I dislike the Congress, it is admirable that they have come out unequivocally against the article.

- The Supreme court may be making a statement and compelling our parties to take sides, reveal their strategies, show how committed they are to minority issues, etc, which is all good. But once it becomes apparent that no legislation change on this issue will be possible, given how divided the parties are, they should step in and take a judicial recourse. In this country, with these sort of gutless/coalition politics being played and practiced, a change such as this has to come from an extra-legislative body.

The times they are a-changing. And a party which has made progress its poll proposition but does not walk the talk, will learn that lesson a very hard way. A party which can't promise freedom to every one of its citizens can certainly never deliver progress.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Saturday morning..


I wonder sometimes..

..if there are others too who are constantly introspecting and making an effort to improve themselves - to be truer, to know more, be more kind - in that order. It is exhausting for self and people around - all the analyzing, over-thinking, examining self motives and faults - which goes through its own life cycle of a longish denial, self-anger/depression, acceptance, occasional change. Does all this bettering result in a truly better person or one who is a distilled puritan obsessive version of the multi-dimensional and easy person that once was?

..if there are others who feel so conflicted, about everything - last sentence from above, popularity vs individualism and that difficult to construct bridge between the two, art-for-art vs art-for-respect, bluntness vs kindness, left-brainism vs right-brainism and the merits of both, wantingness to be useful to others, but also the 'fire-in-the-belly'ness to 'make it-earn it-spend it', awkwardness vs suavity (this last one is my current muse, having been socially awkward since birth, currently toying with the idea of making an effort to learn suavity, involves saying things which give off faint odors of fakism and worldly-wisdom - phenomena hated-at-sight). Conflict, conflict, Yo people, are you there? Contact me so I can create a facebook group, but know that for all my reclusivity, I can still be the life-of-the-party when the stars align, so don't hate me for that.

..if there are others who write for clarity, write for expression, write to know what they are thinking and are surprised by their own words at times. What does this say about them?

..if there are very many (I know there are some) who would tear up at the slightest hint of emotion and pulling-at-the-heart-strings melodrama seen in cinema, read in books, but would purposefully glance away from a young beggar girl at a traffic signal, so that she goes away quickly. What's the deal with that? A survival trick, mandatory hardening of the heart against things you can't do anything about, not at this time and place, not in this way, and as a result of all this prevarication, perhaps not ever at all?

..if there are others too who couldn't perhaps string together two sentences of all of this above while face to face, without sounding weird, self-obsessed (perhaps that one's true), patronizing, arrogant but don't mind writing it for all the world to see. Those who believe instinctively that the spoken word takes away, colored by - accent, diction, reaction to other's reactions and indifference, stammering, stuttering, searching for the right words, pitch and tone of voice, social conditioning to not give away too much of oneself, not to sound uncool - all these and more, diluting the heartfeltness.

It's arrogant to assume there aren't others, there must be and there are. And for all my desire to be unique, I wish there were more.

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Not fooled by randomness

I am trying on for size the notion of having an unverifiable and absolute belief - belief in the non-random nature of life.

It may seem like the world is a set of arbitrary occurrences, each life like a pebble being tossed around in the powerful current of a downward-rushing stream at full speed. Does anyone chart out the path of the pebble, know which tuft of underwater vegetation it will get entangled in, which bank it will rest upon momentarily, which group-origin-destination-combination of minerals it will choose to bound along with?

No, I cannot believe it is all random. I cannot believe that I could have been in any other place in the world, with anything more or anything less of the open-ness, broken-ness, vulnerability, mystique, sanguinity and sadness than I did; we - he and I - being at that moment perfect blends of chemical and psychological elements compelling us to become acquaintances, friends, and more.

A belief in a destiny which is a tough disciplinarian, giving you a good scrubbing and sometimes a terrific drubbing, dressing you up and then like an over-ambitious mum, shoving you into the spotlight for what you recognize in hindsight as the greatest life-changing moments of your existence.

Not random, not by a long mile.  

Saturday, October 26, 2013

An arm-chair revolutionary

Reading 'bout ideas passionate & big
Folks giving up life and love, for honor
Don't you also want to have such a cause
Of a fervent & bone-shaking genre?

Oh, to stand for something
To look in the eye and stare 'em down
Going down as one of a kind
In local history and gossip 'round town

But when life offers a consolation prize
In giving ocassion to do a thing small-but-right
You find yourself taking the street smart route
Wanting to be smart and wanting to be bright

And most answers don't have questions
Asking what is right, what is wrong
Us so absorbed in our own microcosms
with different rules, all singing the capitalist's song

Here we go, our moral boundaries
Sketched by our institutions fine
No earth shattering cause to stare with stormy eyes
No dilemmas of the soul, no epiphanies divine

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

More questions..


Not sure how to combine
Good taste in books & friends
(Which means being judgmental)
And dear ol' human love sublime

How to be pure
of evil, design, manipulation
Yet forgive/endure others who are/have
Just not sure, very unsure

How to aspire for nobility
of spirit & action
While also 'loving my incorrigible neighbor'
Am confused, beyond my ability

It's a choice, I know I know
Always have problems with those
More Rand-ish than Teresa
Still am conflicted, this conflict, my biggest woe

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Intellectual khichdi


I came across an astounding theory recently.

Doing some research (for no apparent reason) into India's history of invasion, I was told that the famed Aryan race might never have existed and most probably wasn't an invading tribe from Central Asia/Europe.

Now we have all been through those early years of history at school, before the Mughals started their dominance, when we would make models of the Indus Valley civilization and feel pride at our ancestors for having the intelligence and wisdom to have designed perfectly working drainage, multi-storied brick buildings and a system of written language. In stark contrast, our drainage system now throws in its towel at the first few showers, like a fat-girl-at-the-sight-of-chocolate (self-slap), and some of our multi-storied buildings are probably from the time of the enterprising Harappans. In terms of language, things are coming a full circle, with more and more youngsters today choosing to convey their thoughts (?) and outbursts through pictures & symbols, what with all the hard work required to read & write full sentences that make sense.

Anyway, our history books told us that the Indus Valley civilization came to an end in around 1500 BC with the invasive arrival of the European/Iranian tribe, the Aryans. These guys were supposed to have come straight from Persia, a martial race as they were supposed to have tamed the horse and mastered how to make weapons of iron, coming to the sub-continent, assimilating and ruling most of it for over 700 years.

We learnt that the Aryans were tall, fair and martial. As opposed to the Dravidians who were apparently the original inhabitants of India. The Aryans spoke Sanskrit, early descendants of them went on to write the Vedas, and descendants even further down are what we call the North Indians today.

But now I learn that there is a lot of debate on this theory. There is a link between Indians & Europeans, which was established by the German scholar, Max Mueller, one of the most noted authorities on Vedic literature and Sanskrit. But this could mean one of two things: either ancient Indians traveled to Central Asia & Europe and resulted in the Indo-European race we have today, or the other way round. Historians such as Max Mueller seem to believe in the second theory. In the 20th century, an archaeologist, Sir Mortimer Wheeler took it even further, when he discovered some human fossils in the ruins of the Indus Valley and propagated the theory that the coming of the Aryan race led to the downfall of that ancient civilization.

All of this above is under question. In fact certain scholars debate whether the Aryan race/tribe even existed. The belief is that they definitely didn't in such terms, even if theoretically there could have been an early race of pure Indians/Persians/Europeans who then mixed and matched to become what forms our ancestry today. There is recent research by the CCMB (Center for Cellular & Molecular Biology) which suggests that it is in fact the Indian gene that traveled to various parts of Central Asia & Europe, resulting in the Indo-European descent.

Surprisingly I came to know that the Nazis believed in the same notion of the Aryan race originating in India or Persia, and then moving on to Europe. The other bits we all know - their belief in the superiority of this race in character and wisdom to all other allegedly mixed races (especially the Jewish who were believed to have elements of Eastern/Oriental ancestry) and their undertaking to establish its supremacy by engaging in ethnic cleansing.

If any of you have managed to reach this point, you may be wondering about my interest in the subject and the larger point behind writing this rambling piece. Well, difficult for me to put down exactly why all of this fascinates me, but some of the more easily decipherable thoughts swirling around in my mind are:

- Genealogy has always interested me. I was the kid who stood up in class in 5th standard and asked whether I was an Aryan or a Dravidian (only to be derided by the teacher for asking what she perceived to be a racist question). There is a reason behind why I am what I am today, and at least a part of it is due to some gene which has traveled long and far. On the other hand, consider it an extreme version of self-centered-ness.
- I have come to believe that our school text books introduce history to us in a warped biased fashion, based on the politics of the time. I am sick of the notion that children are to be sheltered from uncertainty and debate, even if the alternate is to present to them a version of events, which may not be true at all. How rich would our learning have been had we been told of this debate, opposing theories and then asked to form our own views? History during school largely represented memorizing dates and other irrelevant information, a disastrous strategy. A strategy which has resulted in a nation of clueless engineers and corporate slaves.

On a tangential note, I have come to realize how racist and morally debilitating our ancient literature is. Why are the Gods, and noble kings always tall, fair, elegant-bodied, whereas the Asuras, and evil incarnates dark & stout?

Well, kudos to those who read through, tell me if you found it interesting? And please remember, I am a student, a beginner, no scholar and if you have more or opposing information, feel free to comment.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

the inner-you

as the conscious-self fades away
and mr hyde starts holding sway
the mind travels into its own back streets
where memory meets desire, in discreet

secret furtive delicious little visions
play across the mind with hazy precision
sometimes fear pays a call
comes unannounced, imagine the gall

y're drowning into your own nebulous self
too unaware to ask for any help
it has a mind of its own you know, the inner-you
and maybe a plan, a destination too

it seems to have gone away by day
back to your rosy life, y're happy & gay
but like a sunless shadow it follows, mostly hidden
but reminding you of buried intents - some not-so-good, some forbidden

***************************************************

Dreams are wonderful things. The conscious-self relinquishes control, fades away and the sub-conscious, like the graveyard shift watchman, takes over. It is your driver into the bylanes of your own internal landscape comprising your memories, desires and those places from where they leap off together into your imagination. 

Sunday, June 09, 2013

So many stories


It was a love affair
with tragedy
a confused longing
for unrequitedness

A sadness for sadness
or the lack thereof
un-shed tears bottled up
with no place to go

A wish to be misunderstood
..a desire for darkness
a self-fulfilling loop
if ever there was one

So it was, no more
the sadness still visits
but cautiously so
..as to not wake anyone up

And all because..
  I want the lines across my face
  to tell stories, so many stories
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to..

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Rain Rain


Waiting for the rains to come
To wash the world clean
Then make it dirtier
With puddles in the streets

Waiting for the rains to come
To watch from inside
With a good book, some chai
And if lucky, a break from work

Waiting for the rains to come
This year especially
As I have made up my mind
To do something insane

Waiting for the rains to come..
..To come drench me from head to toe..
..Me without a care in the world
Or at least I could pretend for a while

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Death


He prepared for a few seconds before making a gargantuan effort to get up from his seat. While his mind worked with the same precision and his eyes still had the omniscient gaze, his lower body strength left much to be desired.

He walked haltingly to the window and looked down upon the world.

At first glance, the sight took away his breath. The world below was buzzing with life, shimmering like a diamond with a billion different facets. He was relieved. But as he continued to look and began to make sense of the chaos, realization dawned, and he felt his heart beginning a downward journey to the soles of his feet. In other words, it sunk in that the decisions taken eons ago had not played out like he had intended them to..

******

..It was the beginning. When he was youthful and virile, could move as fast as mercury, and take decisions with the speed and rashness of a young God. Which he was.

He was immensely proud of his handiwork and the strategic bent of mind which had led to this undulating green ecosystem appearing out of nowhere.

He had thought of everything. The fundamental truth which his world would be based on was that all living beings were part of him and were ultimately to become one with him. But it would not do to make it easy for them to attain this salvation. It would have to be earned, in steps; through different births, in different avatars; one better than the previous or worse, depending on their deeds or misdeeds.

Death was inevitable. The food chain made pure economic sense.

He was a God who believed in balance and self-sustenance. Every day should have a night, and every flower a thorn or two. The river would lend itself back to the sky, and the sky in turn would squeeze those scuttling clouds like a sponge when the time was right.

He thought long and hard about man. By far his favorite, he had given man just enough to rule, but not enough to be truly happy. Maybe it was his ego, most likely his incompetence that man was the most imperfect of all his beings. Flawed and frightened, this man would be the only one to come close to solving the cosmic riddle, and yet never entirely there.

Man was his masterpiece. He made him over and over again, never satisfied. He wanted him to be strong, and beautiful; simple yet complex, capable of achieving happiness from the smallest of things yet yearning for more; generous yet selfish; humble yet grandiloquent.

He realized he would have to make two of them. Two parts of a whole he was attempting to create. On their own, each would be incomplete, too much of one thing or the other. Together they would achieve the balance he so longed for.

Man and Woman. One strong, the other beautiful. They would complement each other so well. And seek each other out. Woman, the life force, an enigma in herself, softer than snow, harder than ice. Man, the preserver, pliable yet solid, mountain of granite yet putty in her hands. He made her beautiful so he would come to her. He made him strong so she would go to him.

He felt his world complete. He breathed life into it and started dreaming.

*******

He woke up with a jolt. Sitting up, he felt acute disorientation and something akin to a headache.

As his bearings returned, he realized that he had gone to sleep for far longer than he had intended to. He felt thirsty and as he looked around for water, he suddenly remembered a vision, as if from a long forgotten dream, of great floods, water everywhere and his beloved earth drowning..

Pulling himself together, he prepared for a few seconds before making a gargantuan effort to get up from his seat. While his mind worked with the same precision and his eyes still had the omniscient gaze, he realized that his lower body strength left much to be desired.

He walked haltingly to the window and looked down upon the world, his world.

It was slick and red. It had the pink shimmer of a bloodied diamond. What had sounded like an energetic buzz at first was the resonance of a million screams. He looked far and wide and deep within its heart and all he could find was dismay and sorrow.

That fount of life, mother of all mankind, that beautiful creature, the woman, was getting flogged to within an inch of her life. Her once soft beauty had faded into pulp and her spirit itself had long been gone. The worst thing of all was that her slaughterer was none other than man.

Man, picking strength over nobility, lust over love, a hollow victory over all who were weaker than himself, never more flawed than when he pretended to be invincible. Over land, over destiny, over woman.

He averted his horrified gaze just as his knees threatened to give under him. He clutched at the window-sill to steady himself, reeking of desperation, the desperation of a tired old God looking at the last moments of a dying decaying world.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Steaming hot phulkas


Chetan Bhagat wrote an article a while ago on working women, expostulating the advantages of having one as your wife.

It was addressed to the Indian male and chided this man for always opting for 'garam phulkas' at the end of the day.

There was criticism from some quarters on this article. In fact, as I am scouring the web now for a link to the original article, I am amazed at the volume of criticism and the controversy it generated. I also cannot find the article anywhere. It seems to have disappeared into thin air like the steam from those garam phulkas.

Anyhow, the denunciation is mainly from well-educated young mothers, who have taken the call to stay at home and are deeply incensed by the insinuation that there is anything wrong with simply-making-the-phulka and not sharing in the bringing-home-of-the-atta.

While Chetan Bhagat is not my favorite author by any stretch of imagination, he has mass appeal. He has done, what we call in soap-n-shampoo universe - market development. He has compelled the non-reader to read.

What these women up-in-arms are missing is that they and their modern families constitute around 10% of India's population. The vast majority who live in towns like Amritsar, Jabalpur, Bhagalpur, Faridabad and even deeper down in smaller towns and villages, do still frown upon women working, having financial independence. And these families always opt to get their sons married to women who can make an excellent phulka and a mean paratha.

India today is in a state of flux. A vast country like this with such a fragmented demographic and lifestyle profile cannot change overnight and all together. That is why you find high income, well-educated families in the metros no different from those anywhere else in the world. The ones with less exposure in the same vicinity would be living vastly different lives based on a completely different set of principles. Just last month, I met some girls in Delhi, who spoke about how they wanted to ensure they have well-paying jobs - for the specific reason that their in-laws and husbands should think twice before asking them to stop working post-marriage.

Girls in Amritsar say in a matter-of-fact manner that in their families, going out and working is looked down upon. In fact, these girls are happy that things have progressed from a previous generation to the extent that they are allowed to study for as long as they want (but largely the Arts and not any vocational or application-oriented courses). There is an undercurrent of being constrained, as they are not absolutely cut-off from what is happening elsewhere in the world, but the tension doesn't go deep enough for them to defy these mores.

******
The point is that far too many young men, even as of today, feel that the place of a woman is at home. That she is first a wife, a mother and then anything else. And most importantly, that she does not or should not have the option to decide for herself.

Well, Chetan Bhagat speaks to this demographic and psychographic. Like no one else.

Except perhaps Salman Khan. In fact, I would say Salman's appeal goes even further down the income ladder if not deeper into the interiors of the country. So if ever the Indian government is looking for a poster-boy for creating awareness for women's rights and such in a soft, humorous, yet compelling manner, then it is Salman they should call. After all, with all this re-branding from his days of hits-and-runs, hitting women, poaching, and generally Being out-of-control to Being Human, he deserves more than Relaxo Chappal. 

Monday, December 31, 2012

Molestation

A lot of women are sharing some of the bad experiences they have had and needless to say, there aren't many or any who don't have something to say on the subject.

I don't know whether India is the only country where women are molested, probably not. However it is perhaps the only one where it happens so shamelessly frequently, and infects almost every young girl with its poison.

While rape demands some sort of personality disorder, molestation is a lot more commonplace. A grope here, a handful there. With a side-order of a lewd remark or two. The men who perpetrate these actions are cowards of the highest degree and my belief is that they apprehend mostly only young girls because they know that these girls are scared, easily embarrassed and less likely to raise hell or chase after them.

What sort of mentality does the man on the street have to think it is okay to grope a girl, secure in the knowledge that she won't scream? It is crucial to find out.

Because therein lies our problem. The man who thinks it is okay to thrust his groin into a school-girl in front of him on a crowded bus, thinks so for a reason. And I am not talking about why he thinks it is okay because he will not have to pay for it; I am asking why his personal sense of morality allows for it. We all have a line we would never cross. The man on the street will not condone murder, maybe not even rape. But molestation or as it is sickeningly called 'eve-teasing', he is okay with. And therein lies our problem.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Apathy

The world, my friend, is ending
With shootouts & rapes
Shady, shadowy shapes
Who cares, every person is pretending
The world is yes, ending

A neighbor needing tending
Or his children failing tests
They disinterest us like the rest
Each to his own fending
The world as-sure-as-hell, is ending

It is so heart-rending
To see this indifference snowball 
Into heinous acts affecting all 
Reaching a point beyond mending
Nothing to do, but watch the world ending