Ok. Since none of the reviews I have read so far have been able to suitably convey the ridiculousness that is 'Jab Takk Hai Jaan', I have decided to pick up the gauntlet. Considering I have not been bribed or threatened by any member of the expansive Chopra or Khan fraternity, I still retain the prerogative to think and question, a privilege which few have these days.
So here's a list, in no specific order. Yes, I am too riled up to fashion these fallacies into beautiful prose. That is the forte of the Chopra khandan.
1. Anushka Sharma's look seems to have been designed with the intention of making her look like a 15 year old..boy. Although considering her unnatural skinniness, maybe it wasn't the designer's fault. Perhaps they just couldn't make/find clothes of that aspect ratio.
2. While on the subject of Anushka Sharma, her performance has drawn mixed reviews. I think she has potential and hence my heartfelt plea to her is as follows: Dear Anushka, please run like the Milkha whenever anyone mentions the following words in your half-presence - spunky, vivacious, punjabi, dilli-wali, lively, bubby and assorted other words and phrases meant to portray the same personality type that you have played (successfully) in your last few films. In case you have no option and have to grin your way through such roles, please try to remember the last time you met somebody (not pumped up on coke) who was THIS peppy all the time, everywhere. The constant joie de vivre of your character, Akira Rai, can be likened to the buzzing of a persistent mosquito.
3. The writing. Wait, what writing you say? Well, on the basis of recent ventures namely SOTY, Aiyya, the eponymous JTHJ and many others, you would be forgiven for thinking this word doesn't exist in Bollywood. But I have it from reliable sources that an attempt is certainly made to put head to paper and come up with a story, screenplay and script, if not before, then organically during the making of a movie. And here is my question - what was the writer (Aditya Chopra, I am told) smoking?
To demonstrate the point, here are few of the major plot devices -
- Conversations with God. What a simple world it is, seen through the eyes of Chopra junior, where a promise broken to God incurs His immediate wrath. Or he actually believes there are people who think so. Or he actually thinks there are people who believe there are people who think so.
- Road accidents. The characters are pretty Shakespearean in behavior in that they seem to think that the whole world is their playground. What is a road, if not more space for them to jump, wheelie, dance around on?
- Amnesia. What our protagonist gets when two accidents happen at different points in time, and the second one causes his brain to rewind its clock to the first one, so that when he comes to, he has forgotten everything that occurred between the first and the second accident.
- Doctor's counsel. When your patient has forgotten everything that has happened to him for the last ten years, instead of taking him to familiar environs, take him to a fabricated, make-believe set-up. That will help him remember. After all, reality is the biggest illusion.
4. While one shouldn't speak ill of the deceased, and Yash Chopra has given us some wonderfully directed movies, I can't help but mention that the direction in this one is lacking. Apart from actor performances, it is direction which can turn a mere story into flesh - creating bonds between characters, between characters and the audience - none of that seems to be in play here.
When Raj in DDLJ decides to pursue Simran to the end of the world, without even knowing whether she likes him or not, we root for him. When he employs one of the silliest (and oft-used in Bollywood) ways of determining whether she likes him – her turning around to look at him for one last time - we all want her to 'palat'. There is tenderness in Kabhi-Kabhi, unarticulated emotions, poignancy, grace. Shashi Kapoor doesn’t need to tell us in so many words that he has figured out the thing between Rakhee and Amitabh Bachhan; we see it in his expressions, his body language, and our gullible hearts go out to him.
I could not detect even one-tenth of that chemistry between the lead actors here. Even when they shout out their love. The interaction between SRK and Katrina is cold. That between him and Anushka, forced. One minute the intense Major and the ambitious journalist are diffusing bombs, the other they are high-fiving each other on how great a girl-friend the journalist will make for the reclusive, death-wish-ridden Major.
5. This last example is also an example of bad screenplay. Many of the scenes on their own are ludicrous.
Sample this (not quite verbatim) -
Journalist - “Where has the Major gone?”
Bomb Diffusion Squad Team Member – “Sir likes to have some quiet time after diffusing a bomb.”
Next thing we know, Journalist sneaks up on ‘Sir’, sitting on a river bank, singing lustily.
6. Katrina Kaif is not an actress. Undoubtedly she is one of the hardest-working women around. One look at her toned body and you know that. But she CANNOT carry-off such nuanced roles. A big part of the reason why we don't care about/believe what happens between the lead pair, apart from the direction, is she. The ad-wallahs have it right – give her a script where she needs to look drop-remote-dead gorgeous and NOT SPEAK A SINGLE WORD.
Phew. I am exhausted. And there are things I haven’t mentioned like SRK’s journey from a 25 year old waiter in London to the super-specialist bomb-squad-chief for the Indian Army, like the length of the film, like AR Rehman’s mostly lack-luster music, like Anushka Sharma’s random and inexplicable love for the Major.
Well, after watching what could be alternately branded as an extended docu-drama on the adverse effects of irresponsible road-behavior, I wish I had retrograde amnesia and could forget the last three plus hours.
So here's a list, in no specific order. Yes, I am too riled up to fashion these fallacies into beautiful prose. That is the forte of the Chopra khandan.
1. Anushka Sharma's look seems to have been designed with the intention of making her look like a 15 year old..boy. Although considering her unnatural skinniness, maybe it wasn't the designer's fault. Perhaps they just couldn't make/find clothes of that aspect ratio.
2. While on the subject of Anushka Sharma, her performance has drawn mixed reviews. I think she has potential and hence my heartfelt plea to her is as follows: Dear Anushka, please run like the Milkha whenever anyone mentions the following words in your half-presence - spunky, vivacious, punjabi, dilli-wali, lively, bubby and assorted other words and phrases meant to portray the same personality type that you have played (successfully) in your last few films. In case you have no option and have to grin your way through such roles, please try to remember the last time you met somebody (not pumped up on coke) who was THIS peppy all the time, everywhere. The constant joie de vivre of your character, Akira Rai, can be likened to the buzzing of a persistent mosquito.
3. The writing. Wait, what writing you say? Well, on the basis of recent ventures namely SOTY, Aiyya, the eponymous JTHJ and many others, you would be forgiven for thinking this word doesn't exist in Bollywood. But I have it from reliable sources that an attempt is certainly made to put head to paper and come up with a story, screenplay and script, if not before, then organically during the making of a movie. And here is my question - what was the writer (Aditya Chopra, I am told) smoking?
To demonstrate the point, here are few of the major plot devices -
- Conversations with God. What a simple world it is, seen through the eyes of Chopra junior, where a promise broken to God incurs His immediate wrath. Or he actually believes there are people who think so. Or he actually thinks there are people who believe there are people who think so.
- Road accidents. The characters are pretty Shakespearean in behavior in that they seem to think that the whole world is their playground. What is a road, if not more space for them to jump, wheelie, dance around on?
- Amnesia. What our protagonist gets when two accidents happen at different points in time, and the second one causes his brain to rewind its clock to the first one, so that when he comes to, he has forgotten everything that occurred between the first and the second accident.
- Doctor's counsel. When your patient has forgotten everything that has happened to him for the last ten years, instead of taking him to familiar environs, take him to a fabricated, make-believe set-up. That will help him remember. After all, reality is the biggest illusion.
4. While one shouldn't speak ill of the deceased, and Yash Chopra has given us some wonderfully directed movies, I can't help but mention that the direction in this one is lacking. Apart from actor performances, it is direction which can turn a mere story into flesh - creating bonds between characters, between characters and the audience - none of that seems to be in play here.
When Raj in DDLJ decides to pursue Simran to the end of the world, without even knowing whether she likes him or not, we root for him. When he employs one of the silliest (and oft-used in Bollywood) ways of determining whether she likes him – her turning around to look at him for one last time - we all want her to 'palat'. There is tenderness in Kabhi-Kabhi, unarticulated emotions, poignancy, grace. Shashi Kapoor doesn’t need to tell us in so many words that he has figured out the thing between Rakhee and Amitabh Bachhan; we see it in his expressions, his body language, and our gullible hearts go out to him.
I could not detect even one-tenth of that chemistry between the lead actors here. Even when they shout out their love. The interaction between SRK and Katrina is cold. That between him and Anushka, forced. One minute the intense Major and the ambitious journalist are diffusing bombs, the other they are high-fiving each other on how great a girl-friend the journalist will make for the reclusive, death-wish-ridden Major.
5. This last example is also an example of bad screenplay. Many of the scenes on their own are ludicrous.
Sample this (not quite verbatim) -
Journalist - “Where has the Major gone?”
Bomb Diffusion Squad Team Member – “Sir likes to have some quiet time after diffusing a bomb.”
Next thing we know, Journalist sneaks up on ‘Sir’, sitting on a river bank, singing lustily.
6. Katrina Kaif is not an actress. Undoubtedly she is one of the hardest-working women around. One look at her toned body and you know that. But she CANNOT carry-off such nuanced roles. A big part of the reason why we don't care about/believe what happens between the lead pair, apart from the direction, is she. The ad-wallahs have it right – give her a script where she needs to look drop-remote-dead gorgeous and NOT SPEAK A SINGLE WORD.
Phew. I am exhausted. And there are things I haven’t mentioned like SRK’s journey from a 25 year old waiter in London to the super-specialist bomb-squad-chief for the Indian Army, like the length of the film, like AR Rehman’s mostly lack-luster music, like Anushka Sharma’s random and inexplicable love for the Major.
Well, after watching what could be alternately branded as an extended docu-drama on the adverse effects of irresponsible road-behavior, I wish I had retrograde amnesia and could forget the last three plus hours.
In Yash Chopra's defense :) love IS "
ReplyDeleterandom and inexplicable" :)
SFS! Watch it and even your gentle albeit artistic Bengali soul shall quiver (like as Aspen) :)
ReplyDeleteLOL !! Too funny !
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends took a solemn oath never to watch SRK again :)